"My eyes feel heavy, my wounds still raw..."

Al-istiqamah.com is pleased to publish the first part of this exclusive series of reflections, or flashbacks, written by an ex-Guantanamo detainee. Saifullah (Martin) Mubanga was held without charge for over two and a half years at Guantanamo, before he was finally released in January 2005.

 

 

He looked so skinny, the fact that he was at least 6ft didn’t help his appearance either. I thought man, what happened to you? Why are you so skinny ? Why do you look like that? Astaghfirullah (Allah forgive me), I thought to myself. Yani (I mean) I didn’t know why the brother was as gaunt as he was.

My mind drifts back to times when I had been so hungry there in Cuba (Guantanamo bay) and before. I remember not being able to sleep at night, and every time I fell half-asleep, I would wake up with stomach pains. Ahhhhhh….! Fatoor! When’s fatoor (breakfast)?

'Asalam alaykum'

'Wa alaykum salam wa ramatullahi wa barkatu'

We greeted each other. So this was the person whose voice I had been hearing. This was the voice which used to recite Quran to me at about a hundred miles per hour in the early mornings, long afternoons and in the cold quiet evenings in isolation.

I started to ask the brother who stood facing me, a fragile 6ft something, why he was the way he was. The brother before me was positively beaming; there was a definite noor (glow) in his face. He introduced himself — and for the benefit of the CIA, FBI, MI5, FSB, Mossad and more, many more — the brother shall simply be called Abdul Noor. He was not what I had imagined him to be but then, most of the brothers that I had met around that time had stopped participating in hunger strikes for some time and their bodies were reforming and regaining some sort of shape. I had wanted to ask him about his physical predisposition, but had felt a bit shy to. The brother Mashallah beat me to it.

'Are you marvelling at my beautiful body?' he asked with a smile on his face.

I was immediately put at ease by his frankness. I soon realised that, in spite of obvious differences in our upbringings and experiences, we were going to have an interesting time together - be it for a day or half a day or even a few hours, or perhaps even a week — for we never knew how long we would have in the company of one of our brothers. It was a bit like death for us yani none of us were able to control our own present situation or circumstances. Allah had given them, our hosts, limited power over us, to be able to bring about a change in our circumstances (and fortunes).

A thought crosses my mind, as a result of staring into and talking to my brother Abdul Noor's face: why do we Muslims hate death and following Islamic sharia (law) so much? Yet we claim with our smiling faces that which seems to be far away from our hardened hearts and dying souls: love, passion and desire to meet Allah subhannahu watallah in a goodly state. May Allah most High, be pleased with us and us with Him.

I close my eyes
My eyes feel heavy
I look back into my past
I’m sore
My eyes feel heavy
My wounds still raw
Is this a feeling
That I have now
Or is it a feeling
I had from before?
When I spent time with supposedly some
Of the world's most extreme and hardcore?

Why have I experienced what I have experienced and why was I in Guantanamo? Was it a mercy and blessing from Allah? Or was it a test or a punishment and atonement for my sins?

'What has brought you to Guantanamo bay?' an interrogator asked me.

Three possible answers came to mind: Al Qadar, myself and a combination of the two. It soon became one of the most frequently asked questions that I would get asked, as opposed to some of the questions that I would repeatedly ask myself: 'When, if and should I get out — yes should — yani, would it be better for my akhira (hereafter)?'

Source: al-istiqamah.com