| I never told my new husband the extent
of the violence. I couldn't relate the stuff about being suffocated
etc. Looking back, I would feel angry for not standing up
for myself and reporting the matter to the community. I now
know how heavily they would have come down on my ex-husband.
At the time however, I was brainwashed into thinking that
as he was the husband, he was within his right to forbid me
from talking about the violence to anyone, as “it is haram
to expose a sin.” Also, I suspected he would lie, and perhaps
claim my bruises were self-inflicted.
I couldn’t explain to my new husband why I felt too ashamed
to discuss much of what I had gone through. “But you didn’t
do anything wrong. He even admitted to Sheikh X that the divorce
was all his fault. He said that his temper needed sorting.
He acknowledged that you did your duties as a wife.” I nodded,
but still couldn’t explain that it is not something I could
share with anyone (until now, anonymously), and he didn't
force me to.
This time, there were no beatings al-hamdulillaah. No interrogations
as to what clothes I had worn pre-Islam (as Asif would obsessively
do). My new husband and I could joke about which corny chat-up
lines he had used on women or I had been approached with by
sleazy guys. We both agreed that giving up music was the hardest
thing, but that Islamic nasheeds (songs) are far more moving.
Neither one of us had been into alcohol or the clubbing scene
that much. I wasn’t made to feel inferior for being a revert
Muslim, as this was common to both of us. We also agreed that
many Muslims don’t seem to realize that not every revert has
relations outside of marriage pre-Islam, or been a drug addict.
I came through the ordeal of domestic violence
purely by the Grace of Allah and my faith that He would help
me. Had it not been for that, I think I would have considered
overdosing on painkillers or something. I would constantly
remind myself that this life is a test. I would read and re-read
the stories of great Muslims who had suffered far more. Sumaya
the first martyr of Islam was killed for refusing to revert
to idol worship. Khubayb al-Ansari had been crucified for
his unswerving emaan (faith) in Allah. Although I would not
never wish to be in that situation ever again, I know my emaan
was higher in those days.
We have a daughter now and I will insha Allah do my best to
ensure that she never marries someone like my ex-husband.
I want her to marry a sincere Muslim. I feel that prospective
spouses are not vetted sufficiently by the community for revert
sisters, in the way that they would for their own daughters/sisters.
I am keen for my daugher to know that Islam grants the wife
many rights and the husband does not have the right to oppress
his wife under any circumstances. Honor killings and wife
battering have no place in Islam. I will end with a verse
of Quraan that helped me through this bleak period in my life.
Appropriately, it is from Surah Talaq (the Divorce).
"And whosoever fears Allah and
keeps his duty to Him, and He will make a way for him to get
out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from
(sources) he never could imagine." [At-Talaq; 2]
wa salam alaykum wa rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh
Source: al-istiqamah.com
1 2
3 4
5 6
|
