| And if we had children, they would have
non-Muslim grandparents, and he wasn’t happy about that. He
was obviously not suited to marrying a revert.
I think Asif granted the divorce as he felt that his temper
was not something he would ever be able to control. He would
often mention that he came from a violent family and didn’t
see the fuss if he “hit his wife a few times”. His family
were also putting pressure on him as they had heard rumors
that I was being beaten by him (I had finally confided in
a Sheikh's wife). They were worried that it would jeopardize
their chances of finding rishte (proposals) for his younger
sister. I can't say they were sorry to hear we were divorcing.
Their only dismay was that I had been the one to suggest it.
Asif was quick to offer to do a talaq (pronouncement from
the husband) and dissuaded me from seeking a khula’ (divorce
granted by the Shari'ah Court at the wife’s request). He would
soon make a point of telling his friends that I was a very
jahil (unislamic) wife and that he had never been happy. The
ironic thing was, he used to constantly praise me to his friends
for my love of learning, my strict adherence to Islam, my
cooking, whatever. As a result, his desperate lies and attempts
to save face were met with much suspicion.
I adhered to the principle of not exposing a fellow Muslim’s
sin. When asked I would simply say that “Things weren’t working
out.” Initially I was criticised by some in the community
for not having a valid reason to get a divorce. If only they
knew. I believe that a few did guess the fault was on his
part, as he was so desperate to put out his “version” of the
divorce.
During this period which is meant for reconciliation,
he began beating me again, but I no longer cared. I counted
down the days when I would be free. Eventually, after three
months the divorce was finalized. It was over, subhaan Allah.
A few years later, I married a revert brother who was made
aware of the reasons for my divorce. I timidly told my new
husband that I would/could not tolerate an abusive situation
again. He was appalled to hear that a new Muslim had been
treated in this way. He was also fuming that a practicing
brother could convince himself that his actions were allowed
in Islam. He couldn’t understand how a Muslim man could treat
a wife in such an oppressive manner.
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