Mouloud: Yes, sometimes I do. I have problems sleeping. The second time that police raided my place and came to arrest me in 2005 they beat me up very badly. I have nightmares of that and wake up early, unable to go back to sleep. Sometimes I sit on my bed and in my mind I can see the door being broken down in front of me…

Al-Istiqamah: A flashback?

Mouloud: Yes. Any small noise outside makes me sweat and very anxious, even rain on my windowsill. I check the window every two or three minutes. I live very close to a police station. Every time I hear a siren, I feel afraid that they are coming for me. I still don’t know what “secret evidence” the SIAC was supposedly in possession of. Even after being cleared, I still don’t know. I feel that someone has put a black mark on my name and I feel like an unwanted person in an unwanted land. They haven’t made a decision yet as to whether to grant me asylum or not. I am in the dark and uncertain of my future.

Al-Istiqamah: Do you feel wary of people?

Mouloud: Yes, it happens with quite a lot of them. Unfortunately, even with my supporters, I feel suspicious sometimes and find it hard to trust them.

Al-Istiqamah: Do you feel that the government’s plan is to mentally break destroy you so that you leave the UK voluntary, rather than for them to have you deported to Algeria and face opposition from human rights group concerned about the possibility of torture?

Mouloud: This is part of their game. They won’t allow me to work because if I work I will earn money and get on with my life. Instead I must remain unemployed and fall into depression. I can’t concentrate on anything. I’m not a conspiracy theory kind of person, but I start feeling paranoid. I don’t feel comfortable. I can’t tell everyone everything and it shouldn’t be like that. I should be able to trust people and not have this constant fear.

Al-Istiqamah: Did you ever feel suicidal?

Mouloud: It did cross my mind a few times, to tell you the truth. In prison I had the company of the brothers to keep my spirits up. We talked to each other and supported each other. Under a control order, they try to limit my moral support. Alhamdulillah we had you guys and HHUGS and Cageprisoners and others who came and supported us during our nightmare. It really makes a big difference in keeping us strong. It gives us hope.

Al-Istiqamah: With your situation, was it easier to bear being single, or were you lonelier due to not living with a family?

Mouloud: I happen to be a single man, but these brothers with families were far more depressed, as their wives and children went through the same process as them. They couldn’t have visitors, or a mobile phone.

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