Al-Istiqamah: Could you give some examples?

Mouloud: If I needed to go to the doctor I would have to give three working day’s notice via my solicitor to gain permission. I needed to provide details of my intended route, why was I going to the doctor, what were my symptoms, how long would the visit last etc. The doctor or the hospital would have to give written confirmation that they had granted me an appointment. Sometimes they would refuse me an appointment. I was living in Slough and it took me two hours to reach the hospital. I asked for fifteen minutes extra before the appointment, so I could arrive in good time. The Home Office would write back and say that ten minutes is fine, but not fifteen. What is the point of such pettiness?

Al-Istiqamah: What would happen in a medical emergency?

Mouloud: I don’t know what I could have done. Maybe jump out of the window and call for help?! Health and safety was not taken into consideration by the Home Office. If there was a fire, how was I going to get out? If I left home in the middle of the night, that would be a breach of my control order. Technically speaking I could then be returned to prison to face a judge and explain why I breached my control order. A couple of times the fire alarm went off in the night around 2:00 AM. I didn’t know what to do. Thank God there was no fire, but it was just that someone in the flat above mine was smoking.

Al-Istiqamah: What specific effects did the control order have on you?

Mouloud: I used to feel that I was being followed wherever I go. I still feel that actually. I board a bus and I can’t sit at the front. I can’t have my back to anyone, so I have to sit at the back and be able to see everyone. I walk down the street and feel that I am being followed. A psychologist said it’s a 50-50 chance that I am being followed, as the government has messed up my life so much, they might be worried I will go crazy one day and do something stupid.

Al-Istiqamah: Do you feel this paranoia outside only?

Mouloud: No, even inside my flat, I worry all the time that it is bugged. I don’t feel comfortable in there. I can’t talk freely on the phone. One of my jurors was a BT engineer and he told me that the phone number that I had at a previous address could be a high profile number that is not fed through a local exchange. It wasn’t like any of the local numbers.

Al-Istiqamah: Is it the fear of the unknown then, when under a control order?

Mouloud: That’s it. In prison, I can see the restrictions and everyone is in the same situation. Under a control order, they play with your mind. I saw other people around me, and they were free, yet I was not. Physically there was nothing to prevent me going out of my designated area, but psychologically I would be under pressure. I worried that I had gone over the boundary, even though I hadn’t. I began to panic that my curfew was up, even though I had enough time to get home. I would phone the monitoring company and then panic that maybe I had missed making that call.

Al-Istiqamah: Would you ever suffer from hallucinations?

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